An Open Letter From The UFO Videos Released by the Department of Defense
I’m sorry, are we boring you?
Because we remember a lot of you were going to “storm area 51” not so long ago.
But OK. Whatever. We get it.
It’s the end of April and you’ve been stuck inside teaching your kids Algebra between Zoom meetings and your third Jack and Coke.
I guess if we wanted to get your attention we should have jumped on your news feed at the start of the month.
Or at least before a world leader suggested you mainline bleach.
Those pandas in Hong Kong. They got the timing right.
Ten years of, “Naw. Maybe something better will come along”, then they finally mate. And you raise a glass of covidwine to Ying Ying and Le Le for giving you hope. That got your attention.
And who are we anyway?
A vision of the universe that tells you,undeniably, how tiny and insignificant and how…rare, and precious you all are! A vision that tells you that you belong to something that is greater than yourselves.
We took that from Jodie Foster playing Eleanor Arroway in Contact.
That’s a movie.
One movie out of many many movies about ‘other’ intelligent life existing in the universe.
It’s no Predator. But, like all alien movies, it does imply we are more interesting than an animal with a minuscule libido and a diet that consists of one item.
Sorry. That was unfair to pandas.
You’re the problem. You. You’re fickle and self-centered and seriously considering making sourdough after saying out loud that you were not going to succumb to social pressure and make sourdough.
Do you even like sourdough?
And what comes next?
We predict the Pentagon will start dropping truth bombs like they are bomb bombs. JKF, mind control experiments, the taxidermied Sasquatch courtesy of Theodore Roosevelt currently residing in the Presidential Emergency Operations Center…all of it.
You’re way too self involved to process it right now.
Forget the scrappy crew saving humankind in Independence Day. If it goes off you’ll all be googling what the cast of Coyote Ugly has been up to lately.
Sincerely (and with much disappointment),
The UFO Videos Released by the Department of Defense